haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
