She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
