We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
