pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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