no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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