it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
