Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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