Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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