You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
