What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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