We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
