Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I think my moral compass just broke
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