Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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