Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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