its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
