I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
