Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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