i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
