the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
