i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
