Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
