You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
