Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
