i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
