We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
