she looked like the before picture.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
