I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Boobs speak an international language.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Randomize
