How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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