we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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