Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
