I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize