"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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