sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
