so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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