I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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