Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
