barbara walters just said penis...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My penis needs a shock collar
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
