Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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