I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Farmville is her only friend.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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