I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
