MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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