literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
