I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
