I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
