Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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