please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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