She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
