There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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