I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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