On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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