its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
